In honor of Mary Ann

May 13, 2013

I wrote this post four times,
but deleted them
because to write
about losing a mother (oh god) is to trivialize unforgivably
and also seems unwise
(spit now, quick, three times).

We took flowers to a nursing home today,
because my friend is a beautiful spirit
and her mother loved to visit nursing homes.
It was Mother’s Day.

It was beautiful,
it was awful,
I was inadequate.

How can I express,
without gloating but with full intensity,
that I am so glad to be alive,
and my daughter and mother with me?
I can’t, not elegantly,
but I am, and I love you.

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