And then the plague hit

January 9, 2014

I was supposed to kick off this new year
with an epic day of coaching with
new and amazing clients.
But instead little girl kicked off this new day
with a nasty case of the stomach flu.
This afternoon, I carried her back to bed
after she’d thrown up her toes
yet again.
She said,
Thank you for being so nice to me
even though you had to cancel all your calls because of me. I’m glad you’re my Mommy.

And my heart cracked a little.
This is the double bind of double-time mothering:
you always feel like you’re failing at something.
You’re failing your clients, or your kid.
You’re neglecting your business or your family.
And neglecting your biz will eventually
hit your family where it hurts,
so it’s a möbius loop of guilt.
I would choose both things
(my work and my kid, and the fact that they aren’t the same thing)
any day of the week,
again and again and again,
but damn.
It ain’t easy.
A friend stopped by with some get-well flowers,
and I keep looking at them and welling up with gratitude and with..just…muchness.
Time to get more soda crackers.


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