There is so much sorrow and joy
packed into every day
that I find myself weeping
walking across the room
or picking up my daughter–
just a few silent gasps
over her shoulder.
And sometimes we sit and cry together
and talk about our feelings
until she rolls her eyes
and is done
and too,
we laugh and laugh and
every day
new petals are revealed.

As I opened my eyes this morning
she reached over and patted my cheek.
Then she whispered,
Mama? Will you think of me?

better than chamomile tea

August 27, 2010

Nothing is more soporific
than watching a child fall asleep.
The head droops, the lips pout,
the lids flutter,
there is a great shuddering yawn…
and then if it’s my child,
she hoists herself up
and claws her way back from sleep
to yammer feverishly about
an interesting thing I been thinking
about about frogs
.
But eventually even she
loses steam, the blinks slow down,
the arms flail and sprawl,
and eventually the eyes
flutter oh
so
slowly closed.
If you can stay awake through all that,
you are a better insomniac
than I.

The peaceful country

August 19, 2010

Tucking her in, I softly began to sing.
Mommy, it’s so noisy when you sing,
so can you just be quiet?

The semi (cicadas) were shrieking.
I just want to fall asleep listening
to the semi.

An airplane roared above.
Just the semi and the airplane;
it’s so quiet and nice.

Then she blew me kisses.

The other watcher

August 13, 2010

You know what’s terrifying
about being a mother?
She’s watching me all the freaking time.
Today she asked,
Why are you so angry?
when I thought no one
had noticed,
and in fact
no one else had.
Except her.

Answers

August 12, 2010

Today on the beach,
Candy and Lola interviewed
my critter.
What is your mommy’s favorite color?
Red.
What color are your mommy’s eyes?
Hm, that’s a tricky one.
What does your mommy do when she’s happy?
She tells eeeeeveryone!
What does she do when she’s sad?
She write it on a paper and burns it in the fire. Just one time though.
What is her favorite drink?
Beer.
What is the best meal she makes?
Hm. (big pause.) That’s tricky, tricky, tricky to know.
Then Lola and Candy
laughed their asses off.

24 hours out of pocket

August 9, 2010

So surreal to go straight
from beach and sand and sighs
back to my own home, quiet and empty
and hot.
The city feels strange,
tinny and whirring, too fast,
holding its breath.

Gogogogogogogogo

August 6, 2010

I am having trouble resting.
It turns out it’s not just about
going on vacation–
I need to vacate
my own mind.

note the red, red neck. ouch.

Three generations

August 4, 2010

Gummy paints the wee one’s toenails–
not pink or clear,
but red.
Granddaddy falls over in the surf
again and again
so that she can rescue him.
My mom is making meals and
folding my laundry.
My dad is staining decks and
wielding weedcutters.
The grandbaby
is not the only one who likes
being coddled.

as big as

August 3, 2010

Beach, waves, tumbles, splashes.
Blue lips, chattering teeth, sand castles.
I can still use your swimming ring
because we’re such bestest friends, right?

Spiders, blowups, tears, tantrums, kisses.
We can read Goodnight Moon…
because I know you like it, Mom.

Sweet dreams– I love you, honey.
I love you too. I love you thiiiis much.
I love you as much as the whoooole world!
Mama, I love you as big as the sky.

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